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Saturday, February 8, 2014
OUTLINE
Paragraph 1 (Introduction)
I. Leading sentence: “It took me eighteen years to realize what an extraordinary influence my mother has been on my life.
II. Summary of main points: “I not only came to love the excitement of learning simply for the sake of knowing something new, but I also came to understand the idea of giving back to the community in exchange for a new sense of life, love, and spirit.”
Paragraph 2 (First Supporting Point)
I. Transition sentence: “My mother’s enthusiasm for learning is most apparent in travel.”
II. Supporting point: Her mother’s enthusiasm for learning.
III. Evidence: Learning through travel by using the example of a trip to Greece.z
Paragraph 3 (Second Supporting Point)
I. Transition sentence: “While I treasure the various worlds my mother has opened to me abroad, my life has been equally transformed by what she has shown me just two miles from my house.”
II. Supporting point: Her mother’s dedication to the community.
III. Evidence: Her multiple volunteer activities such as helping at the local soup kitchen.z
Paragraph 4 (Conclusion)
I. Transition sentence: “Everything that my mother has ever done has been overshadowed by the thought behind it.”
II. Reiteration of main points: “She has enriched my life with her passion for learning, and changed it with her devotion to humanity.”
III. Taking it one step further: “Next year, I will find a new home miles away. However, my mother will always be by my side.”
COMPLETED ESSAY
Note: The below essay was not edited by EssayEdge Editors. It appears as it was initially reviewed by admissions officers.
It took me eighteen years to realize what an extraordinary influence my mother has been on my life. She’s the kind of person who has thoughtful discussions about which artist she would most want to have her portrait painted by (Sargent), the kind of mother who always has time for her four children, and the kind of community leader who has a seat on the board of every major project to assist Washington’s impoverished citizens. Growing up with such a strong role model, I developed many of her enthusiasms. I not only came to love the excitement of learning simply for the sake of knowing something new, but I also came to understand the idea of giving back to the community in exchange for a new sense of life, love, and spirit.
My mother’s enthusiasm for learning is most apparent in travel. I was nine years old when my family visited Greece. Every night for three weeks before the trip, my older brother Peter and I sat with my mother on her bed reading Greek myths and taking notes on the Greek Gods. Despite the fact that we were traveling with fourteen-month-old twins, we managed to be at each ruin when the site opened at sunrise. I vividly remember standing in an empty amphitheatre pretending to be an ancient tragedian, picking out my favorite sculpture in the Acropolis museum, and inserting our family into modified tales of the battle at Troy. Eight years and half a dozen passport stamps later I have come to value what I have learned on these journeys about global history, politics and culture, as well as my family and myself.
While I treasure the various worlds my mother has opened to me abroad, my life has been equally transformed by what she has shown me just two miles from my house. As a ten year old, I often accompanied my mother to (name deleted), a local soup kitchen and children’s center. While she attended meetings, I helped with the Summer Program by chasing children around the building and performing magic tricks. Having finally perfected the “floating paintbrush” trick, I began work as a full time volunteer with the five and six year old children last June. It is here that I met Jane Doe, an exceptionally strong girl with a vigor that is contagious. At the end of the summer, I decided to continue my work at (name deleted) as Jane’s tutor. Although the position is often difficult, the personal rewards are beyond articulation. In the seven years since I first walked through the doors of (name deleted), I have learned not only the idea of giving to others, but also of deriving from them a sense of spirit.
Everything that my mother has ever done has been overshadowed by the thought behind it. While the raw experiences I have had at home and abroad have been spectacular, I have learned to truly value them by watching my mother. She has enriched my life with her passion for learning, and changed it with her devotion to humanity. In her endless love of everything and everyone she is touched by, I have seen a hope and life that is truly exceptional. Next year, I will find a new home miles away. However, my mother will always be by my side.
Source: Just Colleges
by Rachel Starr Thomson
Long, short, and in-between: more is communicated in the length and rhythm of our sentences than most of us suspect. One of language's most fascinating tricks is its ability to mirror the action it depicts.
For example, look at this piece of narrative:
"The squirrel fidgeted, twitching its tail, as I inched closer with my hand outstretched. It bit me, and I yelled."
Shortening the sentences and rearranging them slightly sharpens the action:
"The squirrel fidgeted. I inched closer, my hand outstretched. Its tail twitched. Suddenly, it bit me. I yanked my hand back with a yell."
Fidgeting, twitching, and biting are short, sharp actions. The sentence length mirrors them.
By contrast, some actions are better expressed in long, flowing sentences:
"The water danced. It flowed over the rocks. The sun sparkled on it."
The flow of water is a continuous thing, and the sentence can show that in its length and structure:
"The water danced and flowed over the rocks, sparkling beneath the sun."
Until next time, happy writing, and may your pen be ever blessed!
Outlines
Outlines don’t always have to be structured in the way you were taught in school (using alphanumeric symbols, etc.). In fact, the best way to outline is whatever comes naturally to you. Outlines are meant to be helpful, but they are often seen as useless by many students. The problem, in my opinion, is the way we are told to outline in school. For me, using Roman numerals can be just as confusing as writing the paper without an outline. Also, I was told to use phrasing instead of complete sentences for my outlines. However, I have found that writing my entire thoughts in complete sentences makes it much easier to write the paper, because the sentences were already done.
I almost always hand write my outlines. I keep a spiral notebook that is used only for outlining, and I am able to write ideas as they come to mind. Usually, when I am given a writing assignment, I immediately think of some points that I want to be sure to include in the paper. I write these ideas down (in complete sentences), and each of them start on a new line. Then, I go back and write numbers next to each sentence/idea in the order I want them to appear in my paper. It’s not always convenient to have your computer ready when you think of an idea for your paper. Having a notebook to quickly write down ideas is a very useful tool.
This has been the easiest technique for me when writing research papers, because there is a lot of information to keep up with. While I’m researching, I will write down main points and the citations of where I found these ideas. Then, when I sit down at my computer, I have the notebook handy to keep my ideas flowing. For example, if I was assigned to write a biography of a friend, I would have a list that looks something like this:
1 Jerry was born in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania in December.
1 It was a very cold winter day.
4 He is the owner of his own business now.
3 He studied business management in college.
2 When he was two years old, his father died in a car accident.
2 He had three older sisters that helped his mother.
3 He played soccer in high school and in college.
These few short sentences will give me ideas for about three or four paragraphs. I could expand on the day he was born, and what the weather conditions were like. I could talk more about his father and explain how Jerry didn’t get the chance to know him very well. I could expand on his three sisters and their lives, or I could talk more about his mother and how her life influenced him. Just having this brief outline makes it easier when it’s time to write the paper. I could go in a lot of different directions.
Finally, be sure to read your paper after every 2-3 paragraphs, and then read it again when it’s complete. I’ve talked to many students that mention never going back over their papers and editing after the first draft. If you aren’t the type of person that works well with outlines (as many of us aren’t), then treat the first draft of your paper as your outline! You may be a good writer, but papers are never perfect the first time through. You may realize some points you left out, some points you’ve repeated too much, or maybe that a paragraph that you wrote at the end would fit much better in the beginning of your paper. In Microsoft Word (and many other word processing programs), there is an option to highlight. This is a very helpful tool when you go back to read your paper, because you can highlight words or sentences that may need improvement (as an easy reference to go back and correct them later).
Remember: If you don’t even want to go back and read your paper, then what makes you think your professor will enjoy reading it?
No matter what method of outlining works best for you, there’s still no denying how nice it is to have your paper almost finished before you even start it. Below are links to sites that show different types of outlines. Get a feel for which one would work best for you. It will definitely be worth it next time you have to write an essay.
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